I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
