I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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