I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
