I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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