You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize