Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
