Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
