What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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