NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
