currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
