i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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