I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I've blown a few things in my day
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
