there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
