So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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