the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
