How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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