and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
