dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm just crazy horny about you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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