How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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