in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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