went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
