Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
