Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
