You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
