I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
