Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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