i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
