I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's the barista slut.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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