I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
