so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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