This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
