he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
