sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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