She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
