stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
