thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
