Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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