Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
