Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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