I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize