Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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