forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
