i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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