Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I puked a lego.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
