Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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