I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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