When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
