i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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