i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
