There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
this will be a night to untag.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
