i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i came on her dog
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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