When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
