Where is the hickey?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is my gift to your gina
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
