so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
