Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
