so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
