he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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