So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
