$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
