those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
