Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
