Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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