i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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