It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
