I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
