I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
